A concept is an idea (a conjunction of words) used and created through a mix-up of things:
- assumptions assured by confirmed predictions
- belief systems sustained by thoughts
- projections maintained by memories through experiences
Concepts are rarely questioned because we even believe others have the same definition because “they are in the dictionary”. However, these dictionaries lack insight because they are used to create a common ground. They do not express the real “use” of the word or words because language is a constantly changing mix.
This is important to establish because the main reason of conflict in between humans beings are: “Misunderstandings”
The number one cause of dissolution in unions is: Lack of communication.
My concept about love is not the same one you had, so I file for a divorce because you lacked the ability to love me as I wished, and we did not learn to how communicate properly to each other what does love mean. We can talk for hours, but a deep communication is lacking because of the misconceptions of the main words being used.
How many words have you asked yourself what do they mean to you? Have you asked to those who you constantly relate to… What does it mean to them a friendship, love, honesty, companionship, loyalty, etc.?
What you see is not what actually is; it is the image you have created of it the one being understood. However, it kind of works this way… We can communicate, but we also live so much division when we don’t know how to explain what we wish to express.
We may see and live the same truth, but each one of us uses a lens on a different focus that is seems we are seeing different things. So much anger, aggression, and separation created by these wrongly understood concepts, and by the interpretation of these when applied into a certain environment.
How can you commit to a relationship when you cannot even listen to the other’s expectations when using the word “love”?
It is a spiral that goes somehow like this:
- Lack of communication eventually results in broken expectations.
- Broken expectations leave you lost in translation, then communication becomes even worse.
- It all ends up in sadness, and at the end; if not careful it turns out into anger and hate
Communication means: I listen to you fully. I close my thoughts for a moment. I open my heart to you. I care what you have to say, although I don’t agree with you. I may even grow and have better ideas with those remarks I don’t agree on.
It does not matter if he does not listen to you. It is YOU the one who should listen. Is is YOU the one who should become aware of the situation. It is YOU who can change the world, not others.
Remember, I may be wrong. Think things out. Ask yourself more questions. There is no one out there to say something enlightening. It is you the one who has all the questions; therefore all the answers.
If others see you want to listen, they may try to… but even if they don’t… move on. Learn from each experience and open those eyes to new understandings by simply listening.
Photo Credit: by Frederic della Faille