What is Pity-Compassion?

You actually are gaining something from your “good actions”. Your state of mind is not of pure attention toward the other and yourself. For example instead of listening deeply to the others’ real needs, you do what you deem is compassionate without actually observing the what is happening to your surroundings.

This is the type of compassion that makes you feel good if you do “good”, a type of goodness that represents an actual projection of your own beliefs.

For example, you will only give to those who you believe are in need because your perception of what is in need is limited within your concept of “who should or should not need”. I believe that a poor person should need something I “have”, so I give him money or “something”. I believe that sad person should need happiness, so I make a joke.

Can you see that pattern here? It is not actually about who is needing and their understandings of life, but about what you believe they should need based on your own biased experiences that does not attend others’ reality.

We are taught that this type of compassion is actually good, but what is the use of compassion if you are not really understanding its depth?

Of course, there is some sort of benefit. If a person is crying, and your actions do provoke an actual visible change that might actually benefit, but not because of your intentions but because of your passionate attention toward others.

It is this true devotion and attention to the other where love-compassion lies.

What is Love-Compassion?

You cannot gain anything because it is not about your “beliefs”, but about actually observing and listening deeply to the other. It is in this state of pure awareness where one actually listens or pays attention that true compassion can occur.

Your state of mind is in the present. It is not worried about the past or the future, but about doing what is possible now. You actions are full of love because your perception is open to the other.

This might sound radical, but in fact it is a process to learn how to become compassionate. You might start trying to be compassionate due to your own beliefs of who might need your help, but as you become more aware of the facts that surround you… Your approach to other’s pain is much more conscious.

Let’s give an example:

You see a man in the street, and at first it might seem that if you give money to him you are being love-compassionate. Well, if you do believe that to give money is love-compassionate you are wrong.
Why? If you had paid closer attention to him you would have seen that he had a bottle of vodka peeking under his jacket. You could have smelt his alcoholic breath, and you would have understood that a man who is drunk might as well be an alcoholic.
The money you could have given him would have promoted a state of deeper depression within that man asking for your “compassion”.

However what would have happened if instead of giving him money, you asked him if why was he living in the street? Could that act be of love-compassion? What if by asking sincerely for the well being of this person, he realizes there is something worth living for?

Can you distinguish the difference between pity-compassion and love-compassion?

Pity-compassion is about imposing yourself on others. It is about your beliefs and thoughts being imposed in the other one who might be asking for “compassion” through any mode of expression: sadness, explicit, anger, etc.

Love-compassion is about caring so much that you actually pay attention, listen, and observe the other person deeply.

Sometimes the most compassionate act of love is actually not saying or doing anything, but actually caring deeply and waiting for the precise moment to act. You do not act when you are ready, but when the other person is actually paying attention as well. Sometimes to be an example is far more compassionate than to just say a few words…

Each person must find their own balance, and their own ways to reach a state of constant love-compassion.

Sometimes, an act of pity-compassion is in fact the antechamber of love-compassion. Do not follow these ideas as a rule book, instead be flexible and use it as a guide. I might be wrong. My intention is to expand your awareness to the fact that our beliefs of what is compassion might not be in the right track.

Sometimes it is better become aware and devote your attention to others, than to give money to the ones who seem to be “poor”. It is in attention where radical change lies, not in a mere economic “enhancement”.

Sometimes our beliefs are the ones who prevent us to actually listening to the other’s desperate but simple plea that might be shattered by our own self-contained thoughts.

The simple plea might be:

Please, accept me.
Please, don’t judge me.
Please, only love me.
Are you actually attentive?

Photo Credits: Hartwig HKD

To break a rule, you need to understand the underlying reasons behind it and the probable consequences produced from your actions.

For example, there is a rule: Do not steal.
Why would you break that rule?

Is there a reason behind stealing? Yes, there is always a hidden & evident ‘why’ behind everything.

Stealing is considered wrong because by doing so, you are interfering with the rights of a person who worked hard to obtain a certain good.

Remember, laws change as people change. Don’t try to break the law to change it, better change people’s ideas, thus law will change.

However, there is a lot of people out there who ‘legally’ steal. There are no apparent consequences of their doings, don’t be fooled, there is always a result. This kind of stealing is protected by laws… If this is possible, how many other things are not ethical, but still accepted socially? A lot, this is the basic reason rules should be broken. Do it smartly.

For example, doing drugs. You may do drugs to break the rules and challenge the law. Or you may not do drugs, to challenge the peer pressure ‘social’ rules, you’ve got to do what everybody is doing.

Is the point clear?

There are a lot of ways to break the rules. The problem is we fall into the same trap that is supposed to release us from those irrational rules, we loose credibility, and end up doing nothing…

Let’s give another example, piracy.
You may break the rules by selling or copying rigidly copyrighted content because you believe the way companies have manipulated the law is against the fundamental principles that created copyright (to promote creation). You may also break the rules by creating wonderful ‘commercial’ work and giving it for free or by using a creative commons licenses.

Now, do you really want to break the rules? Do it, but do it properly. Irrational action produces violence. Clear thinking produces change.

How? Ask yourself:

• Is it a selfish reason?
• Why would you break a rule for a self reason?
• Do you want to produce change?
• Do you want to release anger?
• Do you want to feel the adrenaline rush?
• Do you want to feel power?
• Do you want to challenge authority?
• Do you break a rule because you believe it will make you belong to a group?
• What are the consequences you can receive by breaking that rule?
• What are the long term consequences society could receive by breaking the rule?
• Is the rule you are breaking challenging the law? Is there an alternative way to make the point without breaking the law?

Sometimes, the best way to prove your point is by being original. Everybody can break a law. There is probably no law that hasn’t been broken by someone. Be creative! Don’t follow the rules, but distinguish the difference between a rule and the law.

Change can only be approached slowly, people are afraid of change, don’t try to force anything, think thoroughly about your reasons, doubt them, and learn what freedom really means.

Photo Credit: By alicepopkorn

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Life is full of breaking points, instants creating the opportunity of change, your choice: Take them or leave them. You walk the way you believe makes you feel is great about yourself. Most of the time, our ideas depend, if they are not thought by yourself thoroughly, on the collective mind, they way society has elaborated rules and concepts.

As a consequence, many things that make you feel great or bad about yourself, may be not the facts. It could be those ideas you are lingering on, but those can change at any instant.

However, the instant you understand you have the ability inside yourself to really feel great, and it does not depend on your ideas or concepts about yourself:

You are really free. Not free in the sense of my country is free, but the freedom that even though you may be in a prison… You are really free of yourself, and you become the real you.

WHY?

A concept is a mental elaboration of the “object” thought. An idea represents the conjunction of those concepts into a bigger elaboration, and your inner relationship with those concepts.

Each idea can produce an action, an emotion, a desire, etc. It is the product of concepts, created since birth, by the people who surround you and your reaction to those interactions.

We have the ability to change your results, to change the reactions produced, if you take some of your time to think about:

Who is the real you beyond all those concepts and ideas?

Society states: These are the rules, enter the matrix, you cannot think for yourself once you are there.

You have a choice each instant: I want to take the responsibility of my ideas and their consequence; created or not by society through deranged concepts.

You can listen inside yourself; you know when something is going wrong, when there is something out there waiting to be understood, but you don’t have the time to find out why, you may be sad or angry at everything, you feel fear…

• When will enough be enough?
• Who are you?
• Why do we exist? What is the purpose of life and yours?
• Are you happy? Are you sad? Are you in fear?
• What is wrong and right? Does good and bad exist as I believe it does?
• Why do I judge others? Am I judging myself as I judge others with those same ideas?
• Why do you do what you do? Are you doing things because of you or because of what the collective mind tells you is right?